Today was the first day of school here in Virginia Beach.
One of the teachers at Sam's high school included an assignment for parents to send them an e-mail. I'd like to present to you for your reading pleasure, my first draft:
An Open Letter to Sam's Teachers
Hello. I am Sam's father.
I think Sam is great. He loves learning, and is capable of absorbing information like sponge. Unfortunately, Sam is also highly flammable and would probably dissolve easily in most solvents. I have also been told by a number of dragons that Sam would be crispy and good with ketchup.
Sam is also a very deep thinker. Given enough time, he is capable of seeing through vast amounts of information and formulating an argument that presents a new and unique perspective on almost any topic. Unfortunately, Sam tends to present his argument in either Wookie or Klingon. On his best days, he is capable of moving fluently between both those languages, sometimes using both in parallel.