Notes from D'ni

This is a journal of my exploration of the D'ni city and ages.

Quote:
The best thing would be to write down events from day to day. Keep a diary to see clearly–let none of the nuances or small happenings escape even though they might seem to mean nothing. And above all, classify them. I must tell how I see this table, this street, the people, . . . since those are the things which have changed. I must determine the exact extent and nature of this change.

--Nausea, Jean-Paul Sartre


I hope I know what I am doing

The DRC seems to be running into issues getting some systems back online, the Great Zero is going to be down till at least sometime next week. Not surprisingly, there are weather problems with a new Age they were hoping to allow Explorers to access.

After “The Scream” and the “Great Linking,” I am starting to think that there may be more working against the DRC than just money and impatient Explorers, or even Cate Alexander.


Of course, with only the neighborhood and part of the City (now including the Ferry Docks) to work with, it seems that maybe the Explorers are all starting to turn their frustration inward.


There seem to be people who want to cut short the term of the current Liaisons, or even call for the outright termination of the DRCL roles. It has been tough, and even I have had my say in the conversation, both in and outside the Cavern.


Last night, I did something I hope I don't regret. I volunteered myself to host a meeting to, I hope, get something going. Partially, I want to get a feel for what kind of response the community will have. I also really do not know how people who have not been vocal on the forums feel. And with the uncertainty that recent events have caused, and the lack of any real organization,

I feel that the meeting will be successful if it happens and if I'm not spending the whole time talking to myself.


I hope the community doesn't take what I am trying to do the wrong way. I do not represent anyone other then myself. I have not found a home other than the hood the DRC originally assigned me. I do not consider myself part of any organization. I'm doing this for myself, but I would much rather just sit back in the shadows and continue my own exploration. I'd much rather be sharing my Journey.

But somebody has to do something!

I still have not made my decision if I want to continue to explore alone, or together with others. Maybe this meeting will help me decide.


Of course the problems with the Lattice seem to be making keeping a neighborhood publicly available from the Nexus are going to be a major problem for this meeting. I might just have to decide to use one of the DRC holding pen neighborhoods. It looks like The Institution's, who I really appreciate and can't thank enough for offering the use of their space, is experiencing problems staying public, and so it seems is the fallback location.


I do have to ask, where are the leaders who carried this community in the years in the cavern between the last Restoration and now? And what happened to the networks of consensus and trust that I felt when I first started joining with other Explorers when I did finally find my way to D'ni? Was it always just collections of people who all just wanted the same thing–to be in the cavern, to be in D'ni.


The DRCL are just five people. It have the feeling that it took more than just these five people to organize not only those from the first Restoration, but those of us who joined the Gathered after the loss of the DRC. Where are the others, and how do we get them to again join together and help us reopen the City?


I think back the the dream I had, water falling onto the stone. Was I dreaming of the New Tree? Was I dreaming of something of this Restoration?

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Tonight in the Cavern, I counted the stairs

I think I ended up counting them six times. It was the only way to be sure. Up and down. There are 228 stairs from the Ferry Terminal to the top of the Great Stairs. And then it was off to the midnight neighborhood run. I was able to get three hoods done. In the fourth I stumbled upon a new explorer. Poor guy didn't even have his KI yet. I hope I was able to help him. I told him how to get to the KI dispenser and then on to Nexus. It wasn't my hood, so I wasn't able to follow him to THAT Garrison, but hopefully he was able to follow my directions and make his way to the Guild of Greeters. A little organization is a good thing sometimes. It is wonderful that there are parts of our community that have fairly complete organizations with leadership and officers and event staff. And everyone seems to get along great on the various forums. But what I don't understand is this feeling that the Explorers who were elected by the community at large do not seem to get the support of the community. I mean, let's face it, we did put them there. The DRC Liasions. They are a group of five Explorers who were elected in April of 2006 and reelected in October of the same year. The whole panel of them, reelected by the community. And they have had the thankless task of trying to be the conduit between the DRC and the Explorer community, and facilitate some meetings, town halls really. Two hundred twenty eight stairs from where we first linked in to the City to where the first barriers were when the DRC reopened the cavern. I think I counted them six times. At first I tried to count all 228 stairs in one go, and I stumbled a couple of times during the counting, and had to go back and start over. It was just too much for one person to do. That's really the way it is, isn't it, we always try to take on the big tasks trying to get to the top in one big push, everything all at once. But it's a lot of work, and I ended up on my face. There are some landings on the way up the stairs, places where you can rest. The first one is something like 27 steps up from the ferry, the next is the landing where the stairs turn, 34 steps further along. I took some time there just to listen to the water of the lake against the bulkhead, and look out across the lake to the Arch of Kerath. It was a calming rest. I took some time to see what happens if I squinted while looking at the Arch. Almost could see the face of a Bahro in the shape and lights there. So here I am about 61 steps up, about a third of the way there. I'm not done yet. And I almost let myself end here, having been distracted by something I thought I could see. There is no face of a Bahro in the lights of the Arch. I started to count again. Up to the landing at the bottom of the great stairs, where that new t-shirt is. There's two paths here, but it turns out both are the same, 14 stairs a piece. Sure they paths aren't identical, but when are any two Explorers' path's identical? That's just the nature of the Journey. You know, the very first time I took the Journey so many years ago, I did not even know enough to go get a KI? Working without tools. It's a wonder I finished that first Journey without the ability to organize my thoughts. I couldn't take pictures of the marvels that I saw. I couldn't take notes. And I was alone. There was no way that other Explorers could even hope to help me. I lacked the tools I desperately needed to acquire. And I didn't even know what I was missing. The lack of organization meant the Journey was almost lost. I was lucky. Another Explorer helped me. And that Explorer doesn't even know what they did. The help came from a post in a forum that got me asking the right questions. A single piece of information helped me organize my thoughts and start asking the questions in the right way. It made the Journey so much easier. And all this before I ever met another Explorer in the Cavern. How much easier is today's Journey because we learned some tools along the way? We learned how to talk to each other. We learned how to pull together and help. The DRCL were asked by our community to help. Even though we did not understand what it was they were going to be doing. I think it is sad that here we may have a tool, fellow Explorers on their own Journeys, and we just don't know how to use them. And the do seem to want to be used. I wonder what happened to that new Explorer I tried to help tonight. I really do not know what happened after he linked away and I was unable to follow him on the start of his Journey. How many more are out there, just now finding D'ni? We have a number of organizations out there that say they want to help new Explorers. They want to share with them the tools we have from years of exploring this civilization. Has it really been twenty years since the rediscovery of D'ni. Plenty of time to forget the lessons we learned so long ago. Standing on the landing tonight, there were other Explorers doing the thinks that Explorers tend to do when they are waiting for something to explore. The Kahlo pub is right there. Some Explorers have learned to use the way the lake, the landing and their own incredible sense of balance to amaze others on their journey up the stairs with the illusion that they are floating. And did I mention the pub. But here I was, at the bottom of the longest stretch of the Great Stairs with a long, climb without a landing in front of me. There were 142 stairs behind me. And here I was, just getting into the final stretch, nothing to stop me. Some where around 30 stairs up from that last landing, I lost my count, lost my way. I had a number of false starts. There were other Explorers who did not see the joy of what I was doing. I was just counting the stairs to them, over and over. I don't think I was bothering. Maybe I was counting off stairs at the landing too loud, but you know how it is when people are counting, someone always has to call out numbers to throw your progress. Some asked why I was counting the stairs. In truth, I wanted to know the answer to question that not everyone knew. There had been a gathering at the top of the stairs where Explorers were asking hard questions and trying to guess at the answers. I found that I did not know the answers to lots of the hard questions. Or I answered some of the questions in a way that made my answers harder to understand. Everyone had their own style. I think I came in third. But next time, I will be armed with the answer to an impossible question. I know how many steps there are from the Ferry to the top of the stairs. But it isn't about individual accomplishment, this series of questions and answers exchanged in turns. It was about learning something new about the Cavern, the City, D'ni and it's history. It was about sharing that knowledge with other Explorers who were there that day. I learned that there were more people than I remembered working to help communicate the history of the D'ni to the Explorers. People I didn't know, translating the story behind the Journey for others. You don't always know everyone you are taking for granted. You just expect the books to be there. You just expect that someone is going to be there to give you the information. I wonder if the translators feel like the DRCL. I kept climbing, up and down, starting over when I had to. I made that Journey multiple times. Some of the other Explorers seemed to want to help, but didn't know how. How do you help a single Explorer who only wants to count the stairs? Up and down, six times over. I didn't explain to them how I was choosing to count the stairs, just that I wanted to count the stairs. Some were just amused that anyone would want to count the stairs, over and over, maybe six times. There are some wonderfully talented Explorers in the community. But I don't think that any of them know how to read my mind. All they know is that I was counting the stairs. They may never know I was getting ready for the next time we trade questions, looking for answers and keeping score of who knew what, and who stumped whom. Up and down I counted this last section. It was almost like I was confused finding that I didn't get anything different counting up one way and down the other. I counted then again, and again, and I did start getting the same answers, but I still kept counting the same stairs over and over. Up one way, and down the other. Two hundred and twenty eight stairs from the Ferry Terminal to the top of the Great Stairs. The same two hundred and twenty eight stairs that have stood there for ten thousand years. And I counted them up one way and down the other. Up one path and down the other. Over and over again, getting the same answer. It reminded me of while the barriers were still in place at the top of the Great Stairs. Meeting the DRC, Dr. Marie Sutherland, for the second time. We asked a lot of the same questions that had been asked before. We got a lot of the same answers I heard in Bevin when I got to meet Dr. Sutherland for the very first time. And in the transcripts of dozens of other meetings. Two hundred and twenty eight stairs. Counted six times, up one path and down the other. With and without the help of other Explorers. All alone while everyone was together. So I could get the answer to an impossible question, to know something unknown by other Explores. And then I found out that was a half hour late for the midnight run through the public neighborhoods. Oh, did I mention that I found a new Explorer in one of the hoods, alone, without even a KI? And you know, I'm not sure I won't get a different number again when I next count the stairs. Of course, if everyone knew there were 228 stairs, then we wouldn't need to count them. But I wonder if anyone else sees the number of stairs as important. It's just one piece of information that I'm going to have to share for it to be useful. Some Explorers might say it's not useful right now to insist on knowing the number of stairs. They will find out when they need to know it. Someone may even just up and tell them. Maybe the DRC. Two hundred and twenty eight stairs from where you first link to the City to where the barriers used to be. But some barriers are still there on the stairs. Maybe if the Explorers were organized, the fewer barriers there would be.

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On Being an Explorer

The pull was strong. I could not explain why, but I found myself drawn, as it seems so many of us here to the Cavern, to the City, to the Ages.

I don't remember if it was the games, the stories or something else, but I was eventually able to find my way to the Cleft. I still remember the first time I placed my hand on the book to what became my Relto. It was after the first restoration failed, and I felt very alone.

I equally remember the first time I found other people after about a year of short trips into the City. Something about being with people, about sharing this Journey with others made it easier and easier to find time to be in D'ni.

I remember the first time I went with a group into an age and realized that we really were traveling through possibilities. The subtle differences between the possibilities of each place. Living the dream of each Explorer bringing a part of a larger, dynamic whole to each mystery. Even those things that have become normal and common (if one can use such words to speak of the experience of being an Explorer) taking on new life and energy in the presence of the whole community. That erased a lot of the feeling I was carrying around about having missed the first restoration.

I was also in the Cavern the day the DRC announced they wanted to establish liaisons to represent the Explorer community.

At first, I thought this was a DRC attempt to help organize the larger groups and was expecting more announcements from the different major organizations. It wasn't until later that someone set me straight. And then I realized that I though what I did because there really did not seem to be a voice for the unaffiliated Explorer. It was a strange and awkward moment for me. In my mind, up to that point, there was only one Explorer community. The groups that had evolved during the restoration and right after were not a factor to me. But suddenly I found myself worried. I felt like I was going to be marginalized. I felt the same for other who were just then discovering D'ni for the first time.

The good news is that the community (mostly) pulled together and picked Liaisons. Not all was perfect in the process, but I felt that at least an attempt was made to be inclusive. The shame of it was when we did it again six months later. IIRC, less than 300 people participated in the election that reelected the slate of Liaisons.

Today, I still think about the organization of the overall community of Explorers. And I still have a lot of my same fears. We have old Explorers returning, other still making their way. We have new Explorers feeling the Call to Gather. We have those who follow the Gathered, either to follow their family and friends or just to provide support. How many of these hear the Call themselves? We have those who have learned of the city, and enter the city to see what the uru is about, if only because the crowd Gathering.

Every community of any size needs leaders. Every Journey needs those who will help navigate the path and guide. Every group of people collect their thoughts and finds a voice.

I'm worried about unaffiliated Explorer. Not everyone chooses to be alone. Many would choose to uru with those that see the Journey the same way.

In a very real way, I believe the DRC did the community a favor.

Let me explain.

In my life on the surface, I fight a battle every single day against people that want me to do something or give something to them. It may be information on how to do their job. It may be information on how to accomplish some feat. It may be someone just they to get me to do something so they don't have to. It bothers me, especially when it keeps me from doing my job.

I call this asking to be spoon-fed.

The DRC did not spoon-feed us. They told us what they wanted us to do, and they left us to do it.


The importance of action. I do not know how to say any more about it. Just The Importance of Action.

The Explorer community is robust and expansive. Many new Explorers are looking not to explore alone. There are already a number of great communities centered on a number of neighborhoods in the Cavern. How much of the problem of keeping the community from tearing itself apart will come from helping Explorers understand the organizations that exist already today. How many more events in the Cavern, either run by the DRC, DRCL or just random Explorers, will be successful with just a little bit more organization?

Every community needs leaders. And there are already a good number of leaders in the city.

We have groups that have organized to explore together. We have groups that have organized to help their fellow Explorers either with the Journey or by helping communicate the happenings in the Cavern. We have concepts that have taken form. We have parties and gatherings and social events. We have birds of a feather gathering to further surface hobbies and concerns here in the Cavern.

How many Explorers are just in the first neighborhood they landed in; one that may not be the best fit for their Journey? How many are still there because of the vagrancies of time do not know that the next neighborhood over could truly be their home in the Cavern?

I started a thread on one of the forums that a lot of Explorers seem to read asking the neighborhoods that are open to new members to actively recruit new members.

The DRC needs to continue the restoration, to do the work to open new places to explore, to keep us safe while exploring. The DRCL role is not to make life easier for the Explorer, but to be our voice when the DRC is ready to hear.

It is up to each and every organization to be ready to speak, in its own voice. And those voices will be stronger, and the issues they raise easier to act upon, if and only if individual Explorers feel that they actually have one. That through the organization they build for themselves, they create and focus their voices.

I do not expect to find a new home for myself. I only hope that we can reduce an intractable number of randomly moving parts into a collection of wholes. Explorers working with Explorers to achieve common goals.

And maybe I'm still dreaming. I am but one drop or water. And I feel on this, I speak for myself.

Alone or together . . .

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Looking forward to 2007

It's hard to believe that that we just spent a good part of New Year's Eve and morning in the neighborhoods, celebrating both the reopening of D'ni (or the start of the reopening) and the success of the overall Explorer community.

And now we reach the “Now What” moment.

I am curious as to where the Explorer community is going to go as more and more of the cavern is open to us, as more and more ages become available for exploration. As more and more people from the surface feel the pull of D'ni and make their way under the surface.

Right now, the strongest pull I feel is to the cavern. Compared to the surface, and even the other ages, nothing resonates with me the way the cavern does. I am looking forward to working with the DRC and the various groups in the Explorer community to help return D'ni to something, even the smallest something, of what it can be.

But the “Now What” comes from the question of how do we get to the next milestone in the restoration. Right now, I'm not even sure what that milestone is.

I'm actually looking forward to working with all the groups in the Cavern to find out what the next milestone we can share (Explorer, DRC and maybe even Bahro and D'ni) in the restoration of the city.

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Dreaming of D'ni

Last night, for some reason, I had a really hard time falling to sleep. Once I did fall asleep, I had the strangest dream.

The dream started in Relto. It appears to have been my Relto, but it was different. The pillars were all broken. The trees were dry and bare, dead. The hut was in ruins, the wall with the bookshelf missing. There was no grass, a thick layer of dust clinging to the surface of the island. It was not raining, nor a cloud in the sky above them island. Below the island, the clouds were dark, stormy. Thunder could be heard rolling across the sky.

I was lying on the ground where the fissure would appear, in the dust, face down. I can feel the dust coating the inside of my mouth and nose as I breath. I can feel where my chest is pressed against the ground, almost as if my heart is trying to push down into where the fissure should be.

At this point, I think I know this is a dream, because the perspective changes and I turn into water and start seeping into the ground. I can feel myself passing through the earth, and then beyond it, coming away from Relto as a large drop of water, falling into the fissure, past the stars and into the cleft at night, only I do not stop there.

In the dream, I lost all perspective for a moment. I found myself falling through the space of the cavern, heading towards a spot at the Ferry terminal, on the line of the Great Zero. And landed with a splash on a tree growing there, facing the Arch.

And then I woke up.

In my head the following thoughts ran, loudly, over and over:

 

Relto

Tomahna

D'ni

 

Water

Stone

Tree


Sometimes I have the strangest dreams.

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